About me
All I ever wanted was to be a Mum.
I pictured this calm Mum who found breastfeeding magical, would never use a dummy, loved making food from scratch, I wouldn’t be caught dead letting my kids eat in the car, and good luck finding an iPad in my house. I was never going to put my kids in daycare and would just be boasting gratitude every second of every day. Then…I actually became a Mum
*then we laughed…jks, I cried. ALOT
Well. My first baby?
She humbled hard and fast. Like a gut punch from the Hulk.
Breastfeeding was an overstimulating touched out nightmare, she didn’t sleep, had tongue and lip ties, power spewed (like…burp cloths were useless), never slept and just screamed all day.
The dummy was the first thing that came in, followed by food in the car, the Wiggles being second parents, some pre-made baby food and then a sprinkle of daycare.
This was pretty much rinse and repeat with our second baby a few years later, but since I severely lowered my expectations, it wasn’t as bad. Except I had a toddler that had five 45-minute meltdowns a day.
Even though my kids are now 6 and 4, the overstimulation and the rage are fuckin front and centre!
I felt like I was the worst Mum; for wanting a break, for feeling resentful of my kids and my husband, for day dreaming about being hurt enough that I could go to hospital.
The Mum rage was raging, the overstimulation was unbearable, and the Mum-guilt was eating me alive.
I tried talking to other Mum’s, who all seemed to be having this magical motherhood experience, the shit I dreamt about, which only made the guilt worse. I was googling all of it:
“self-care, bubble baths, time out, do something you used to love to do”
That was all great in theory, except my husband worked SUPER long hours, we were broke and actually, I hate bubbles. I’d spent so long taking care of everyone else that I didn’t even know what a bloody needed or even liked to do anymore.
What I ACTUALLY needed (and still need) is to find my people. The ones who just say it how it is,
“This shit is fucking hard”
I needed to feel heard, validated and not fixed.
So how did this blog come about?
Well. I worked in a not-for-profit organisation for the last two and a half years. We decided to finally move to Mission Beach, which was perfect timing because I was beyond burnt out, from juggling four days a week in a highly emotionally stressful job, kids and the mental load that it all comes with.
I spent the next 6 months in a total identity head spin. It was like whiplash. I went from a career and kids in daycare/school, to no paid work and full-time Mum with homeschooling. I was more lost than ever.
After doing a bit of reflection about what I needed, I decided to create what I needed. A safe, no-judgement zone for other Mums to feel validated, seen, heard and have a laugh in solidarity for this shit show.
If you’d like the journal style rants and reflections sent straight to you every week, then join the Buggered Mums Club x